Makes me wonder now
With the way I feel
If yesterday was even real
And why, oh why do You seem so far away
Could it be that I’ve gone too far this time
And can I make You change Your mind, oh.
Why should any day, why should any day
Why should any day, should any day
Be like today?
Do I wallow in my insecurities?
Do I trust what my feelings are tellin’ me?
Or do I rest in the promise You made me
That You’ll never leave?
—
One of Those Days" – Chris Rice
Well, I'm finally blogging again. It's been a while since I had my last blog. Some people discovered it that were not supposed to see it so I had to remove it. Here's hoping it doesn't happen again here.
All of this blog is about a journey. I'm in a period now where I am incredibly confused, lost, and frightened. I am questioning everything I've ever believed(again) and it's all pretty terrifying. I am a Christian. I am gay. I am engaged to a wonderful guy. I am feeling trapped. I am twenty-three years old, and have yet to obtain my college degree. I am passionate about civil rights, youth suicide prevention, and many other aspects of Social Work. I am also passionate about Youth Ministry. At this point, I am trying to figure out where God wants me, and recently, if God even has specific plans for us as I've always believed. Is He even the God I've always believed in? I believe in God, I believe there is a Creator…everything else is up for grabs to some degree.
Yeah, I'm questioning everything. I feel like I've just started walking through a cave, devoid of any light. I know I will get through it, but I'm afraid of the pain I may encounter or may cause others along the way. I'm afraid of broken dreams, broken hopes, and broken hearts. If you pray, pray for me. If you've been through this journey, share your experience with me.
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?
What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?
But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?
What if you dig, What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions inside
That’s all you find
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Then folklore that must be told and retold
But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?
You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land so long
But what if you’re wrong?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?
—
"What If?" – Nichole Nordeman